Starting a blog is easy.
Keeping it going when nobody is reading it is the pits.
I know it’s because so far, it’s pretty much been blah, blah, blah and so on.
To be honest, the first blog that I ever had only became a hit because I shared a timely post with another very popular blog at the time. The “DaVinci Code” was in theaters and I shared a “spoiler” joke that I had found in a chat room. That post was shared by the popular blog and I never wanted for readers or comments for about six years, when my life got “flip-turned-upside-down” and I stopped blogging because my heart wasn’t really in it, for awhile.
Of course, I’ve got my side-hustle, that it seems like I’m stalling on. I do intend to sell my crochet on the site, but I have to make sure that the tax man gets his cut and the disclaimers are air-tight. My side hustle is so that I can pay for the upkeep of this blog and for the upkeep of the side-hustle, itself. I know I will not be the next big thing on the internet, but I wouldn’t mind being a small fry, making little ends meet.
Since then, I’ve tried and failed at getting other blogs up and running, but life kept getting in the way of me trying to keep up with regular posting. I got tired of apologizing to my readers and then I’d eventually stop posting. It didn’t help that I also had a crazy internet stalker that has, over time, caused me to diminish my voice.
My mind is active and I have talents and I feel like I need to express myself. I can’t not write and I feel like there is somebody (even just one somebody) out there who needs or wants to hear what I have to share; whether it’s about life, love, abuse, motherhood, politics or nonsense. I’d like my blog to connect to someone else who may feel too alone to reach out in real life, because they feel like, sometimes, it’s easier to connect to a friendly stranger.
But, I’m anxious, at the same time. What if my most popular posts bring out the idiots instead of people who can actually connect with whatever it is I’m going on about? Politics is a favorite topic of mine, but it seems like, no matter how you approach it, there is always someone angling for a fight and I didn’t build this blog for that.
I want to share my experiences of overcoming abusive relationships, from child abuse and molestation to overcoming relationship and psychological abuse and workplace bullying. But, I do not want that to be the focus of this blog because I don’t want to live in those memories day after day, unless it occurs to me.
Besides, I expect that, eventually, some of my co-workers, and other people that I know from my real life, may stop by, sometimes, so I don’t want too much negative stuff from this blog to spill over into my every day life.
I want my posts to be peaceful and positive, but even I don’t always have days like that. I also don’t want to give the impression that I am a “Ms. Know-it-all” or that I believe that I’m perfect and better than anybody else.
Just like I promised in June, I have kept this blog populated with posts, despite not always having anything worthwhile to say. I’m trying to maintain the habit, despite lack of any feedback. I’ve posted to social media in many different ways. I have not found the magic post or post-formation to make this blog click. But, like a fool and their money, I will keep posting, at least until this domain expires, just so I can say, “at least, I tried.”
I’m going to try a different tack, for a bit, and see if anybody notices. There’s a saying about “dance like nobody’s watching…” I think I’m going to try blogging the same way. If, indeed, nobody is reading this, I guess it doesn’t matter if I talk about politics, horrible families, music, crafting, or sex.
So, here goes:
I am a registered Independent voter, but I supported Bernie Sanders in his bid for the Democratic nomination. As a liberal progressive, even though I once declared on Twitter that I was “blue no matter who” when the primary season began, Hillary Clinton was never in danger of getting my vote. Now that Wikileaks, or the Russians, or who the fuck cares, dropped those emails that showed that the DNC colluded against Bernie Sanders, I have even less desire to vote blue or Hillary or Democrat, at all.
I’m sick of seeing liberals, whom I once liked being rude and disrespectful to Bernie’s supporters. I’m sick of being derided for intending to vote third-party, rather than the lesser of two evils (trust that neither the Republican Party nor Donald Trump are in danger of EVER getting my vote, either-I have never voted Republican and the only way that I would ever do so is when they take my vote from my “cold, dead hands!”). You can scream “Al Gore”, “Ralph Nader” or “George Dub-Ya” all you like. I consider my vote my voice and my voice speaks for me, NOT the status quo. I have no intention of talking you out of your vote and trust that nobody is in danger of talking me out of mine.
I was a poor single mother, when Bill Clinton was president and I watched the news avidly and have been politically active in campaigns and rallies since my 20s, voting in EVERY election since I was 18. I’m not just some couch-potato, cheetos-eating, orange soda drinking, basement blogger. I ran for office, myself, twice, in my thirties. I know how politics work. I also know that, even though I don’t trust the Clintons as far as I can flick a gnat, I have always felt that they were duplicitous, perhaps no more two-faced than most other politicians, but not upstanding, saintly politicians, either (I have never felt like they had the backs of regular citizens like myself and my friends). And, I have always known that there was no way in Hell that I would ever vote for Hillary Clinton; not even as “the first woman president”. She’s a “Wall Street Darling” and a war-hawk. After 9/11 and Iraq and the huge financial sector bailouts, we need something and someone much different than the status quo. Obama was a refreshing change from GWB, but I believe that he could have done more and the Democrats could have done more to support him. We still, desperately, need a president that can bring real change, and not just estrogen.
My friends and I have seen our jobs go away or get shrunk down to piddly-hours, and even despite the Affordable Care Act, we are all struggling to choose between paying the tax (for not having health insurance) at the end of the year, or paying high monthly premiums and high deductibles. It turns out, paying the tax, at the end of the year is still much cheaper for a lot of us, since we make too much to qualify for Medicaid, even though we are working barely above minimum wage with minimum, part-time hours. My partner quit a job he enjoyed, with regular, reliable (albeit, part-time) hours so he could try to get full-time hours (and health insurance) with a corporate retailer. We are lucky if he gets 25 hours a week, right now, and even though his schedule is posted every week, it can still change from day to day. He is still waiting on full-time hours that they keep promising, but never deliver. My job doesn’t offer any benefits at all and my hours aren’t going to increase any time soon, either. We are witnessing several of our friends trying to get or stay insured. The ACA may have been a good idea at the time, but it’s turning into a nightmare for the people that I know.
This is why I had so much hope in a Bernie Sanders candidacy. I know that the things he espouses were not going to happen overnight, but his ideas did prove that he does support the average citizen. He is certainly not a “Wall Street Darling”. I don’t agree with all of his ideas, but his heart is in the right place. The idea of getting paid a decent wage and being able to get healthcare coverage, despite our income, being able to afford to send my kids to college without them being saddled with the debt that I was, his understanding that “Black Lives Matter” and a woman’s right to an abortion, are all things that my partner and I could get behind, for ourselves and our kids.
Seeing the shady dealings of the DNC and the many stories of Hillary and her Wall Street friends, does not fill me with the hope that we will see any kind of positive changes on the horizon; just more of the same shady dealings that the former president and first lady are well-known for since the 90s. I can’t go for that, even if it, inevitably, leads to a Trump presidency. Just because I lean liberal is no justification for me to lean my vote towards Hillary.
As John Lennon once wrote, “They may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one..” I hate the idea that I may get hate comments on this post because of what I have written, but this is me keeping it 100, for once, on this blog and if that brings out the trolls, I guess I’ll have to take my own advice and just ignore them and make room for that one somebody who may agree with what I’ve written and is brave enough to say so in comments.
Since nobody will read this post, anyway, I guess I’m not in danger of that happening any time soon.
(Prove me wrong by dropping a line in the comment box, below).