BYOH: Allowing Yourself To Feel

BYOH: Build Your Own Happiness or How to hack your own happiness buttons.

Today, the topic is feeling your feelings.

Otherwise known as, mindfulness, I feel it is important, in order to get a handle on whether or not I even need to push my own happiness buttons, by getting in touch with my feelings in any given moment.

This does not always mean expressing those feelings. It simply means taking the time to figure out what those feelings actually are. For instance, if I stub my toe, in the dark, on a chair that is out of place, am I angry at the idiot who put the chair in my path or am I angry because my toe really hurts? That moment can help me plan my next move more appropriately. Instead of punching an idiot in the face, I’ll go ice my toe and then have a calm chat with someone about proper chair placement.

Currently, I am dealing with issues, at work, and reconciling my torn loyalties. I can’t say anything about the incident that brought me to this point, but I can say that I am caught in the middle of two parties that expect my silence and my advice and expect me to pick a side: My job or my friendship.

This morning, when I woke up, I felt a bit of melancholy. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, at first. I just felt a slight tightness, in my chest, like I was about to cry, but I had just woken up, so I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to cry about.

In that moment, I took a deep breath and asked myself, “What am I feeling?” And, then it hit me, I’m getting ready to go to work and I may be thrown between these two entities, again, and I knew I felt sad that I am stuck in this space.

Then, I asked myself, “Is there anything that I could do to fix this?” and I realized that the answer was, “No”. There is nothing that I could do that would not, in effect, blow up in everyone’s face, in some way. But, I decided that my feelings were valid and intended to have a good cry in the shower. By the time I got in the shower, the feeling had passed.

I still feel bad for everyone involved. But, in this instance I have to let the chips fall where they may and hope that everyone, including myself, will learn and grow from this episode.

In the past, I might have let myself get torn up and chewed up by what is going on, but the truth is, it’s not my battle, no matter how supportive I want to be to all the parties involved. But, only through taking a beat and figuring out what I was actually feeling, was I able to decide what my next move should be.

Today, I did nothing. I went to work and did my job, but, I did it in silence. No audiobooks, no music. I just wanted to feel peace. I let myself think on this issue, maybe even wallow, a little, but I did not feel the need to escape how I felt or express it. I just let it be.

I may still end up having a good cry, but, hopefully it will be for the right reasons, whatever they may be.

Feel free, to visit my Facebook page and tell me what kind of things that you do to push your own happiness buttons or drop a line in the comments section. I would really love to hear from you.

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Published by Diva

Trying to live my best life, but chores keep getting in the way!

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