Some people just don’t deserve your good-byes
Emotional vampires. Abusive and toxic people.
Sometimes “ghosting” is a good thing.
There’s been a few things that I have seen posted on the subject of “ghosting” or disappearing, without saying “good-bye” in a relationship. I have experienced it, personally, and it feels rude, at the time, but if the person hasn’t run off with my money, my belongings or my family members, in the end, I consider it a win.
As a recovering doormat, myself, I have done the “ghosting” and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Sometimes you just have to let go of people who are hurting you. If you’re like me and you don’t have the stomach for a lot of drama, particularly from toxic, narcissist/sociopath types, then going no contact, and “ghosting” that person is the best tactic. Toxic people usually want to have the upper hand and they hate when other people set up boundaries. If you try to make a more polite exit, they take it as a personal challenge to try and stop you from ending the relationship, even if means getting nothing but negative feedback. They would rather be in a combative relationship with you than no relationship at all. I don’t got the time nor the patience for that nonsense.
If I was dating someone, who only contacted me in the late-night hours, but rarely returned my calls or texts during the day, I would have to “ghost” that individual. If the person couldn’t respect me enough to return a phone call, why would I waste my time trying to explain to them why we had to break up? It’s obvious that they are not interested in a relationship, so when they eventually pick up the phone to contact me, they might find that their number was blocked from calling me.
If I was in a relationship with someone who always felt the need to berate or talk down to me, why would I try to have a polite conversation about why we can’t speak to each other, anymore, particularly if it would end up in another episode of “I’m right, you’re wrong”? Best to walk away with my sanity intact and let them run off and berate and belittle someone more receptive.
If the only time a person ever made contact with me was to ask for money or my free time to help them, but they never return the favor in my time of need, that person is not someone that I want to be around. I don’t have much money and my time may not be worth much to them, but it’s my time and I value it. If I’m not being valued by an individual, then it’s best to take my doormat and make a quiet exit, because this type of person will likely pull out their “poor me” card and the Good Samaritan in me could get sucked in, again.
I’m going to “ghost” anyone if I hear that they are talking bad about me behind my back, but acting like a friend to my face. I’m too old to worry about whether or not people like me and I don’t have time to confront rumors and innuendo. I’m happy to let people think or believe what they want about me. It will upset me, but not enough to get in their face to see if they will offer an explanation for their two-faced behavior. Better to just ignore them and move on with life. I enjoy my own company very much, so I won’t miss someone who wasn’t a true friend, in the first place.
I have experienced all of these scenarios, personally, and in the recent past. It may be considered rude to “ghost” people, but I won’t apologize for getting rid of toxic and emotionally-draining people from my life. I have other people that rely on me to be at my best and I can’t be my best if I am fighting with people who don’t care how they treat me.
They say that you teach people how to treat you by what kind of behavior you accept. I expect to be left alone if people can’t treat me with respect, so I have no qualms about “ghosting” anyone who doesn’t wish to do so. It’s more respectful for me to leave rather than hang around living with resentment in my heart. It took me a long time to get to a place where I didn’t feel guilty about unplugging the doorbell and taking my doormat off the floor and I’m never going back to the pushover I was before.